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about
The story of how we ought to be in love, because together we're (benevolent) world-conquering bad-asses.
lyrics
If I Was Your Envoy
Since you asked, and it’s funny that you should
I can see this working really well
We could sell them anything
An imaginary diamond ring, a peaceful world, or something worth that
It’s the same as when you lived across the street
The neighborhood was ours to burn
Pretty houses green and brown
In our Christ!-We’re-out-of-vodka!-town, they’d double down on both
our birthdays
It’d be a crying shame to never mention, to never pose the question:
If I was your envoy, I’d make your message clear
If I was your envoy, I’d help you plan your year
If I was your envoy, I’d look into your eyes and advise you to be
The long-haired teacher in the high-school picture
One more time
If I was your envoy, I’d dust the room for prints
If I was your envoy, I’d coddle and convince
If I was your envoy, I’d prattle and persuade, and jump on a live grenade
To keep you going, and learning, and growing
One more time
If I was your envoy, I’d scan the room for thieves
If I was your envoy, I’d organize your keys
If I was your envoy, I’d manage all your lies, and get you a disguise
Your spies would vanish, or die, or perish
One more time
If I was your envoy, I’d give you kisses deep
If I was your envoy, I’d stroke your hair to sleep
If I was your envoy, I’d lay you right down in the bed that you’ve made
Like Reuben Kincaid; protected and safe from all rookie mistakes
Like ordering the meatloaf, or suggesting charades
And I don’t foresee no danger to the public to simply raise the subject
If I was your envoy, I’d kneed your loaves of bread
If I was your envoy, I’d lay out all your meds
If I was your envoy, I’d polish up your shoes
And I’d put out your trash. Your co-ax cables, and 2 leg tables
One more time
If I was your envoy, I’d iron up your socks
If I was your envoy, I’d bagel up your lox
If I was your envoy, I’d lick your envelopes
And I’d hope you’d do well, to slice your cheddar, and read much better
One more time
If I was your envoy, I’d plump your cashmere throws
If I was your envoy, I’d powder-puff your nose
If I was your envoy, I’d emery board your nails
And I’d bail out your boat when the flood plain rises with game-show prizes
One more time.
credits
from Funny You Should Ask,
released September 10, 2018
XF - Drums, Percussion, Bass, Guitar, Piano, Synths, Voices. The Reindeer Games Clapestra - Handclaps. Sheldon Routh & Kimo Ball - Inspiration.
Xifer Fortier lives more or less happily in Oakland, California, where he cooks, cleans, eats, drinks, and sleeps. Sometimes he writes songs and plays them. He is fond of whiskey.
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