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Funny You Should Ask

by XFR 4TA

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1.
Our Theater Well, kick off your tennies and sit right down in Our Theater And the thigh-high boots and the wedding gown are looking even greater Than all the mutant masters in the whole damn town of Our Theater Well, the acolytes and Pharisees are on their knees to kiss the feet of Jesus (No, I wont!) And the dust mites and fallacies were swept away when they wouldn’t try to please us (No, they don’t!) They’re all swingin’ dick, “What?! What?!” Jabba the Hut! You can never carbon-freeze us! (Yes, I will!) It’s a hate-free district in the land of the free in Our Theater You freaks and mutants are welcome to be in Our Theater Just bring a better monkey if you’re talkin’ to me in Our Theater Now the wait staff and the floor show – even that’s gonna blow your mind But wait until you fall into the main event to leave your old soul toe-hold behind It’s general admission and the drinks are free, and twice as free on Tuesday (Yeah, that’s right!) And the balcony center has a perfect view if you call ahead of doomsday (Stay all night!) Between The Mighty Rion and the Wee Little Ewe. What would Chris McGrew say? (I’ll be there!) If you need a little time to get your head in the game, we can try again tomorrow (That’s okay!) There’s a sliding-scale cover of your good, good will, but it’s not more than you can borrow (Here! Take mine!) I left a lifetime supply in a sky-blue box atop Kilimanjaro (Way up high!) Well, nobody is forcing you to do what we say, but it’s Our Theater My baby and me and Alice the G are in Our Theater And we’re kickin’ it together. It’s the very best way in Our Theater. Our Theater!
2.
2020 Vision Then there’s that song you sing when you’ve made your best mistake You’ve exposed the human race as a doomed disaster and a hopeless case Well, there ain’t no cloud allowed to rain on this ticker-tape parade Or the motorcade, while we smile and wave Clap your hands! Celebrate! 2020 Vision! We’ve got 2020 Vision! 2020 Vision! We’ve got 2020 Vision! 2020 Vision! We’ve got 2020 Vision! Not even half way through, but Hey! Don’t we get some prize For somehow being alive in the dark tunnel where canaries die And I know this list of things-to-don’t is longer than it’s wise To change our scene, but before we start, Show em’ how tall you are! 2020 Vision! We’ve got 2020 Vision! 2020 Vision! We’ve got 2020 Vision! 2020 Vision! We’ve got 2020 Vision! 2020 Vision! We’ve got 2020 Vision! Ain’t it funny how we see so clearly when the rain is gone, that to carry on We’re gonna need to use our thinking caps! We’re gonna need to dance to bring the water back! And now I paint my garden with a brush I bought at Sears In the color of your eyes; a secret message for the butterflies And I hope you understand that I’m just shooting from my hip Won’t loose my grasp on the where and how Clap your hands together now! 2020 Vision! We’ve got 2020 Vision!
3.
Devil I rang up my friend, Jay. It had been a while. The topic was a sigh and a wistful smile About an article I read that said, “The Devil was dead.” He said, “The Devil still lives on in your heart.” “You can do your level best,” is what he said to me. “You can do your very best, and you can count on me to put my best foot forward, and do more than my part. The Devil still lives on in your heart.” Well, the Romans never tore The Coliseum down And an earthquake never wiped away this tourist town You can wear a lucky charm in the crook of your arm The Devil still lives on in your heart I’d be wrong to tell you that he’ll make you rich But keep him near your side, that hip-hat, punk-ass Son of a bitch. You can do your level best. That’s a true, true story When they come like all the rest to steal his glory Disassemble his house, tear his hideout apart The Devil still lives on in your heart Now all the Jesus-people hate me, but they shouldn’t dare The Bible says they’ve gotta love me and there’s some comfort there The angels will protect you if you need ‘em to When it’s late and your retired, but you want to be inspired I know his reputation leaves a lot to be desired But the Devil still lives on, the Devil will live on, the Devil still lives on In your heart.
4.
Man of Peace (NSFW) He’s clear! You can see right through him. He’s colorless and hard to miss When he pops on your nose like a bubble on a faucet He’s a real, live, bona fide, mother-fuckin Man of Peace He’s pure! And he’s damn good for you A vitamin! Invite him in Like a breath of fresh air or a calcium deposit He’s a real, live, bona fide, mother-fuckin Man of Peace He’s a real, live, bona fide, mother-fuckin Man of Peace Let’s go! Don’t waste your minutes Fiddle through your things to do From the magnetized list on the black refrigerator He’s a real, live, bona fide, mother-fuckin Man of Peace He’s a real, live, bona fide, mother-fuckin Man of Peace Make haste! Cuz he’s so Don Quixote He’ll tell you that a wildcat Needs a scratch on the ass as if your coming back later He’s a real, live, bona fide, mother-fuckin Man of Peace He’s a real, live, bona fide, mother-fuckin Man of Peace You know he may not pass this way again! (Oh, No!) G’wan and do what you can Before his awesomeness reveals your human flaws (Oh, Yeah!) And you likely draw your sword and slit his throat again He’s a real, live, bona fide, mother-fuckin Man of Peace He looks better from a distance A master of the type of love Where you know what you get, but it’s always controversial He’s king of the under-promise He’ll avert the crimson shirts So at least he won’t die by the 2nd commercial He’s a real, live, bona fide, mother-fuckin Man of Peace.
5.
Up to 1000 (For Every Earthbound Cat There’s ANOTHER That Stowed Away On a Spaceship) The little dog laughed to see such a sight The kitty-cat struggling to get it to 10 And then he did it again, and again Asked the dog did she suppose if he applied himself Would he ever make it up to 12 Well the doggie licked her nose and said, “You can go up to 100. Happens every day. You can go up to 1000, or you can go away.” You can surly get a sense of the kitty-cat’s disbelief Imagine! His margin of error and feeling The terror of flying oh so high Asked the dog with shaking paws if she found the question rude “Well, with that attitude .. (this is the dog talkin’) I’m surprised you left the ground at all.” “You can go up to 100. Happens every day. You can go up to 1000, or you can go away.” “Okay! Alright! You just might look for that answer all night Check my pockets, up my sleeve. It’s quantum, man, it’s make-believe. For every earthbound cat there’s another that stowed away on a spaceship To fly through the skies with pies for eyes, but as for me, I’ve got a date with the sunrise.” You can go up to 100. Happens every day. You can go up to 1000, or you can go away. You can go up to 100. Happens every day. You can go up to 1000, or you can go away. And the dish ran away with the spoon.
6.
6. My Share 03:45
My Share Not a cloud in the sky that I can see And I don’t know how much clearer I can be There’s a scent to your face and I get the vague impression That you need some information and clarity This is my chair. This is my stare. This is my share. This is my share. Now, I can’t read your mind, but your tracks aren’t hard to follow I can see your plan for tomorrow yesterday, and let me tell you This is my chair. This is my stare. This is my share. This is my share. This is my chair. This is my stare. This is my share. This is my share. It seems you’ve got a lot of people mad at you, son, I ain’t gonna hit ya! I ain’t gonna hit ha! I suggest you focus on the important one I ain’t gonna hit ya! Find enclosed the fingers and toes of the last one who helped her self to my soul Think of your friends and how this movie ends, and you could still take that trophy home. This is all well and good. Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em We’ll keep it our secret from everyone Sit down. Wipe your face. Your tears will be untraceable If they haven’t seen it by now, they never will And you can put that thing down. It won’t help you anyhow Take a load off anywhere .. well, over there .. because This is my chair. This is my stare. This is my share. This is my share. This is my chair. This is my stare. This is my share. This is my share. This is my chair. This is my stare. This is my share. This is my share. This is my share.
7.
8.
8. Vitamin A 02:22
Vitamin A You can be a constellation wherever you are Cash your Boxtops in and be a Big Big Star Put some Vitamin A in your life today And you can make it alright when you’re driving at night Your mind will be clear and your bones will be thick Carry three times your weight and never get sick All the Sweet Cream ladies will cry like babies Or they can come out to play with my good friend, Vitamin A B what you wanna be! Open up your mind and C Destroy Every Fallacy Gettin’ Heavy In a June Kiss Take it! Shake it! Break it, and make it all over again! Go on and hitch a ride to the edge of the plain Get the honeys and the nuns to sing it again If you should stand up erect and stretch your neck You’ll be taller than dirt and stronger than surf And I can shout navigation from the back of the car If you make it to the graveyard than you’ve gone too far We can jump in the streets or between the sheets But I’d rather drive away with my good buddy, Vitamin A B what you wanna be! Open up your mind and C Deploy Every Fantasy Gettin’ High In a Jazz Kitchen Take it! Shake it! Break it, and make it all over again!
9.
If I Was Your Envoy Since you asked, and it’s funny that you should I can see this working really well We could sell them anything An imaginary diamond ring, a peaceful world, or something worth that It’s the same as when you lived across the street The neighborhood was ours to burn Pretty houses green and brown In our Christ!-We’re-out-of-vodka!-town, they’d double down on both our birthdays It’d be a crying shame to never mention, to never pose the question: If I was your envoy, I’d make your message clear If I was your envoy, I’d help you plan your year If I was your envoy, I’d look into your eyes and advise you to be The long-haired teacher in the high-school picture One more time If I was your envoy, I’d dust the room for prints If I was your envoy, I’d coddle and convince If I was your envoy, I’d prattle and persuade, and jump on a live grenade To keep you going, and learning, and growing One more time If I was your envoy, I’d scan the room for thieves If I was your envoy, I’d organize your keys If I was your envoy, I’d manage all your lies, and get you a disguise Your spies would vanish, or die, or perish One more time If I was your envoy, I’d give you kisses deep If I was your envoy, I’d stroke your hair to sleep If I was your envoy, I’d lay you right down in the bed that you’ve made Like Reuben Kincaid; protected and safe from all rookie mistakes Like ordering the meatloaf, or suggesting charades And I don’t foresee no danger to the public to simply raise the subject If I was your envoy, I’d kneed your loaves of bread If I was your envoy, I’d lay out all your meds If I was your envoy, I’d polish up your shoes And I’d put out your trash. Your co-ax cables, and 2 leg tables One more time If I was your envoy, I’d iron up your socks If I was your envoy, I’d bagel up your lox If I was your envoy, I’d lick your envelopes And I’d hope you’d do well, to slice your cheddar, and read much better One more time If I was your envoy, I’d plump your cashmere throws If I was your envoy, I’d powder-puff your nose If I was your envoy, I’d emery board your nails And I’d bail out your boat when the flood plain rises with game-show prizes One more time.
10.
The Sound of Shaking The parcel arrived just before dawn. Bottles of wine from Argentina Put it in the cellar, to left of the garden. Top of the hill. Sign here. Climate control, and a magnetic field, and the sun, and the sun, and the sun .. Lilac breeze, lively lilies. Humming bees. Lovebirds. Greet the morning star as the moon fades away, with a cocktail of dew and perspiration But there’s a sound that rattles the ground, and my wildcat soul every time, BABY! It’s the sound of shaking, and my beating heart That’s the sound of shaking my crazy world apart It’s the sound of shaking that never goes away And the sound of shaking happens every day *This town is a miracle* this time of year. Plenty to eat and crowds in the street The tones of the drones and their lioness moans help me to see they’re coming for me The neighbors upstairs bang on the floor, say that they know it’s a sign. BABY! That’s the sound of shaking. It’s an analogue “It’s the sound of shaking,” says the neighbor’s dog It’s the sound of shaking that never goes away And the sound of shaking happens every day So wine and dine that fine, fine line. It’s sex or senility. It’s atrophy or agility. It’s just an everlasting game called, ‘Try Your Best To Remember Your Name.’ What is the sound that rattles the ground and my wildcat soul every time? It’s the sound of shaking and my beating heart That’s the sound of shaking my crazy world apart It’s the sound of shaking that never goes away And the sound of shaking will turn the blue to grey It’s the sound of shaking that you can hear the most It’s the sound of shaking. It’s a worried ghost It’s the sound of shaking that never goes away And the sound of shaking happens every day.
11.
12.

about

Funny You Should Ask is a cycle of pop songs inspired by love, culture, melody, groove, and the many challenging ways that we evolve as a species.

credits

released September 10, 2018

Xifer Fortier wrote/played/sang most of it, but special guest senseis made beautiful cameos, such as Jonathan Segel, Laela Peterson-Stolen, Nolan Cook, Ralph Carney, Laura Lehman, Chris McGrew, Douglas Carlson, Tom Greisser, Kevin Seal, and a very small lovebird.

Recorded at Ivy Junction and OMC309 (Both in Oakland), Decibelle and Fort Belvedere (Both in SF), Jonathan's studio in Blackeberg, Stockholms Lan, Sweden, Nolan's studio in Oakland, Ralph's studio in Portland, and Doug's Studio in Walnut Creek.

Mixed by Xifer at Ivy Junction and Terry Yerves w/Xifer at Fort Belvedere.

Analog Pre-mastering by Terry with Kurt Shlegel & Xifer at Lucky Recording Company, Brisbane.

Mastering by Gary Hobish at Armin Hammer Mastering, San Francisco.

Cover photo: Courtesy of Dick Cicone, Raleigh, NC.

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XFR 4TA Oakland, California

Xifer Fortier lives more or less happily in Oakland, California, where he cooks, cleans, eats, drinks, and sleeps. Sometimes he writes songs and plays them. He is fond of whiskey.

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